I love the new year. I love the new start. I love the idea that everything has possibility. And so I am doing a new post in hopes that my new year spawns the new start I’m feeling energized to pursue.
It’s been a long but good year. I had a very challenging project at work that started 2024, “off the wagon” as they say. I was working round the clock in high stress situations that really did a number on my mental and emotional stability. I ate like it was my job and put on at least 40 pounds, maybe more. I will weigh myself tomorrow to verify.
This pattern of eating as a form of entertainment has continued all year and I feel gross. The inflamation is back. The sore body is back. Obsessive food focus is back. Extreme sluggishness is back. Acid reflux is back. My cloths don’t fit. My head is always fuzzy. I’m unable to focus, sleep, relax, or even breath comfortably. I can feel my blood pressure is way up. All the things I worked hard to fix are now flared up again. It’s so discouraging.
As a result, I sit here feeling terrible and out of shape. I feel too tired to make changes but desperate to feel better.
My friend mentioned to me that I have an all or nothing behavior around food. Either I’m 100% on a program or I’m 100% in the other direction. That really makes sense to me and hearing it from an outside perspective made it even more clear. I do tend to be extreme with food and exercise.
This leads me to my 2025 hope. I say “hope”, because making a plan seems like it might lead me in the same extreme direction that I’ve taken in the past. If I have a plan and I veer from it, I have trouble making the next good decision. The first step off the path leads to a fall down a hill. So, rather than putting in place a plan, I am going to present some possibilities and hope they rise to the top of my choices most of the time.
First, I hope to have some grace around food and eating.
Second, I hope to put a priority on physical activities that improve my mobility, stability, and longevity.
Third, I hope to enjoy the pleasures of life without guilt, shame, worry, or strings attached.
I’m really going to resist defining these hopes any further despite the rule follower in me wanting to type out a manifesto of how this could all look. That road leads to the same place it always has for me. And what is the definition of insanity? Doing the same thing over and over, but expecting different results. It’s time to try something new.
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