My kids have started to take horse riding lessons at a local farm our park system manages. This is a dream of my daughter and a surprising win for my son. My daughter wants to try everything. My son is the opposite and wants to try nothing. He is scared of heights and being lifted up. Even as a toddler he would panic when someone picked him up. It has been a delight to watch my daughter fall in love with these horses and try, without fear, to do something she knows nothing about. She is shining so bright right now. And its been a true amazement to watch my son, who is afraid of everything and won’t even let us pick him up to hug him, get on these big animals and walk around by himself. WOW, what a huge moment of growth for both of them!
After our first lesson my husband and I decided we wanted to do it to. We signed up and bought boots. Of course we need boots! 🙂 At the barn there are only two horses who carry heavy people like he and I. One is currently lame, leaving only the one horse for us to take turns riding. Jeremy went first and now it’s my turn and I’m having a moment of perpetual poppycock about it that I’m going to have to write my way out of.
I’m big. I’ve always been big. Falling when you are big is a big deal. Despite the extra cushion I carry, the damage I sustain when falling tends to linger a bit longer than it should. I am terrified of falling off this animal, at this size, and sustaining a real injury. This is where my perpetual poppycock is starting to scare me out of my decision to try this.
My husband jumped right up and had no problem. If he had any fear he certainly ignored it and got on the horse like he intended to. I, on the other hand, have been battling the idea of backing out before our Tuesday lesson to avoid the potential injury and in turn, missing out on all the fun. This is so very typical of me.
I know you are probably thinking, it’s smart to be worried. And you aren’t wrong. It is smart to be worried. My problem with backing out is that it’s what I ALWAYS do. And it’s clear that example is making an impression on my kids. They both comment about how mom can’t do this or that because of how big she is. They don’t say the same things about my husband and that is a result of the example he has set for them.
The thing is, if I am going to be big, I need to be big AND live. If my kids are big one day, I don’t want them to stop living because of it. I want their life to be full of adventures and trying new things. And so I am working through some fears and plan to get on this horse on Tuesday. YIKES, it scares me to think about!
I hope old Hildi, the big black beauty, is up for this challenge. I’m about 40 pounds heavier than my husband but the instructor assures me I’m not the heaviest person to get on a horse. If I am able to do this I hope it is a good example for the kids. Get out of my way perpetual poppycock!