Another year, another reminder…

Dear Perpetual Poppycock,

Today was my annual physical with my gynecologist and per the usual, I got yet another reminder that I have not changed. I’m still overweight, and on the brink of a diagnosis, or two, pertaining to the toll too much weight takes on my body. Some things, I, never change. And that, ladies and gents, is my reason for this blog. Perpetual poppycock is chronic but I’m determined to beat it.

I really enjoy my doctor. We have a fun! I mean, what isn’t fun about getting naked with a stranger and having them feel you up in the least sexually pleasant way possible? “Hi Ashley, lay back and be still while I shove a cold metal device inside you that is essentially a car jack for your vagina. Then I’ll smoosh your boobs around in circles, one at a time, while we talk about hair color.” I jest, but really, she is the coolest and if I have to make out with a woman once a year, I’m glad its her. I have a thing for smart, witty babes.

Each year when I see her, we gab about the kids and world events, and she respectfully answers my questions when I ask about missing periods and long chin hairs. Is it normal to go 130 days without a period? Does it still count as peach fuzz if its black and an inch plus??

The truth is, I know what the problem is. Of course I do! Anyone with a web enabled device and a few minutes can find the most likely suspect of whatever ails them. In my case, I’ve had decades full of experience and the internet, to give me a pretty in depth education on whats is lurking in my shadow. And the fact that this, saint of a doctor, hasn’t lost her mind having the same conversation with me every time we meet, is a true triumph of her character. To paraphrase, I have presumed PCOS and insulin resistance, as a result of my diet and lifestyle that has resulted in an oversize body, irregular periods, sporadic facial hair changes, and the list goes on and on.

My primary care doctor echos the advice. Try to cut back on carbs and sugar. Move a bit more. Its consistent, gentle, and wise advice that I’ve been told by my care providers for at least 30 years. They are sticking to their guns here and I’m clearly the one not changing. This perfectly highlights my point. Poppycock excuses are perpetual.

To overcome this entire situation, all I need to do is cut back on carbs and sugar while incorporating exercise. That’s it. Not 7 pills a day or scary surgeries to fix something thats broken. Its just a change in how I eat and move, yet I can’t seem to do it. Why is that??!

Today as I was leaving our annual tryst, it really struck me how chronic this perpetual poppycock is. I have been letting this broken record play for over 3 decades. The excuses and reasons and fears and failures are as predictable as lipstick on a quarterbacks cock. Is that a saying? (shrug) I have not changed. Progress is my greatest foe.

The take away from this year’s reminder to make some healthy changes that might prolong or improve my quality of life, is that I will suss out the perpetual poppycock thats blocked my success so far, by writing about it in this blog. Maybe this will help me unlock the pandora’s box of possibilities to make a concerted AND consistent effort in the area of my personal health. And so my journey to next years appointment begins.

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