Perpetual poppycock and the topic of my weight go hand in hand. I constantly dream of a lighter body and yet the perpetual poppycock surrounding the actions to make that dream come true is compulsive.
The way I feel about food is the way I feel about most things. More is better! That, is a gross generalization. There are of course, nuances to this idea but it usually applies. I’ve overindulged more often than not, resulting in a heavy body teetering on numerous diagnoses, many missed experiences, and several fears about the future. Eating brings me joy in a way that feels necessary. I don’t want to use the word addiction here for reasons I will explore later but some might choose that word for their own struggles and it would make total sense.
I eat for all the reasons that you’ve already heard a million times. For joy, warmth, heartbreak, entertainment, fear, stress, fun, sadness, loneliness, love, boredom, procrastination, the list goes on and on. Luckily, I am also fairly active and very independent so my weight has not become more than I can manage. Once you cross that threshold of not being able to move I believe your weight gain grows exponentially. I’m grateful I have not sustained an injury or some other situation that would cause me to become immobile. That would prove troublesome.
I’ve always loved food and consequently blamed it for how I look and feel. The thoughts sound like, I am fat because of food, period…end of story. I put on weight because of food. I kept extra weight on because of food. I am not losing weight because of food. My health is struggling because of food. I/My…fill in the blank with any statement and end with…because of food. These statements fit. They always made sense. The problem with blaming food for my weight is that it allowed me to be a victim and not be responsible for actions. It’s easy to make 1000 statements about myself ending with “because of food”, but that would only enable me to continue to blame something other than myself for they way that I am.
These thoughts totally allow the perpetual poppycock parade to roll untethered and that results in nothing changing! If I keep saying, food you are the problem, the poppycock echoes the idea that I can’t fix it so why put any effort into it. This totally lines up with my typical behavior of maintaining status quo and not changing anything. The problem with that is, my goal is not to be overweight, unhealthy, and unfit for the remainder of my life. I do not want to end up so unfit that I can’t do various life activities. I do not want to stay overweight and eventually end up with high blood pressure and/or diabetes. I do not want to grow old and regret that I never really tried to get my body into a strong enough shape to be useful to my kids and grandkids.
So what do I need to do to change the future? What do I need to do to reach my goal? How can I change the talk track, or perpetual poppycock, to open the door towards actual growth? That is exactly what I’m trying to figure out!
Acknowledging the problem is an important first step, so that is what I’m doing. Food, you aren’t the problem! I’m not a victim of food. Food is not hurting me on purpose.
I’m going to work on listening to my thoughts and identify any that put the blame or control on of my behavior on something other than myself. I think this will help me gain awareness of how those thoughts affect my feelings and drive my actions. My action item for this first blog post is just to gain awareness and feel my feelings. From there I will define next steps.
Homework: To stop the perpetual poppycock that removes my responsibility in efforts to reach my goal of being strong and healthy, I will work on identifying the things I say to myself that point to food as the problem and feel the feelings that are sparked from the thoughts.