My food plan: I am failing it daily

This next step on my path to health has been a total bomb. Like a huge, explosive, bomb of failure. I am not even attempting what I said I was going to do. I am, in fact, doing the total opposite of my plan. You can read about what I’m supposed to be doing here. And to read how bad I’ve been failing at this food plan, keep reading below. Oy.

A week ago I pledged to make some small changes that I hoped would result in some positive health benefits. I am here to tell you, I have not done a single one of the small changes. I mean, its like they haven’t even been discussed. I am just sitting here thinking about how I am completely ignoring them. Its like I’m in crazy town.

A little background. I started a personal challenge a couple months ago to walk 10k steps a day. My blood pressure had crept up over the years and my physical fitness was at an all time low. Oh, and I recently turned 40. I just wanted to put forth a little effort to see if there would be any payouts in return. I’m happy to report there were in fact payouts and you can read about those here. I am in love with walking!

As a next step to getting healthy, I put together a list of three small changes that I was willing to try to see if I could increase the benefits I’d started seeing from walking. They really are so simple and yet, here I am, not doing a damn one of them.

I was supposed to only eat when hungry. Well, I do actually eat when I’m hungry, so that’s a win. The problem is, I also eat all the other times of the day. Nonstop. Munching. All day. I was also supposed to not overeat. Well, I don’t even know how to explain how much food I’ve been consuming but Templeton, the rat from Charlotte’s Web is a pretty fair comparison. No kidding.

Honestly, at this moment, with my belly super full of halloween candy and my entire salad, I can’t even remember the third rule, so let’s just assume I’m not doing that one either. I am ridiculous.

These were really the easiest changes ever, in theory. Its like I’m actively working harder to not follow them now that I’ve put them out there as guidelines. Am I that big of a rebel? Am I really that self sabotaging? I am starting to believe that I am. Why would my mind want me to stay overweight? Why would I actively work to fail this part of my health plan? The answer, I’m afraid, is in the thoughts I’m avoiding by shoveling my gullet full of food.

I need to slow down. Stop rushing. Stop avoiding. Stop the perpetual poppycock and just swim around in whatever uncomfortable feeling, thought, experience I’m having, long enough to find my feet and know that I’m ok and I don’t need to avoid whatever is bothering me. I can’t control everything. I can’t do everything right. And I certainly don’t need to put those expectations on myself.

This post is purely me admitting my failure and stepping up to the plate to take another swing. Can’t stop, won’t stop. Get out of my way!

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